No, this isn't deja vu, although it felt like it to me. In the second episode of OWN network's docuseries "Lindsay" (Sundays at 10/9c), we open with Matt, Lindsay's personal assistant, still wrestling over the deal that will land Lindsay the keys to her new apartment. Lindsay is nowhere to be seen—refusing to shoot yet again (*yawn* this is getting old), potentially as a result of her mother's DUI the day before. Needless to say, at 47 days post-rehab, there is still a lot of work to be done on "recovery." Although tiring a bit of belabored topics, as with the first episode, I again found myself relating to Miss Lohan not in terms of the lifestyle she lives (or tries to live?), but rather in terms of the process of recovery.
Was I the only one that noticed what seemed to be Lindsay's totally over reaction to her mother's DUI the day prior to the opening scene? Although I can't be certain that she was sulking in bed all day refusing to shoot as a result of her mom's situation, I can be sure that IF she was, that it was a totally overblown reaction. What makes me an expert, you ask? Well, because I am a master of overblown, out of proportion reactions myself. I am well aware of my own imperfections and have figured out a way to navigate them as you'll see below, but what seems to haunt me just as often are the imperfections of others. Others who I love and admire and tend to put on pedestals.
You know the old saying, "The bigger they are the harder they fall"? I say, "The higher they are (on the pedestal I've put them on) they harder they fall." The disappointment and hurt I feel when those I admire fall short of my expectations isn't necessarily wrong in and of itself. But when my reactions result in onlookers cocking their heads to the side and saying, "Huh? I don't get it..." then things have gone too far. Note to self: Keep it in check. Taking care of my own self and being accountable for my own actions is plenty enough for this girl.
I'll Have Another Round of Impatience...NOW, Please!
I know, I know...it's obvious that Lindsay's impatient, you say? Just look at how she acted when faced with things that didn't go her way—the apartment, the conversation with her dad about her boyfriend, Matt, and the $48,000 car she insists that her father should get for her brother to keep his promise. But the everyday moments of impatience that we all have at times aren't the examples of impatience I'm contemplating at the moment. I'm thinking more about the impatience that I turn on myself at times about my recovery. My feelings about where I should be in the process, how I should act/react to outside stimulus (translated, people and events) and my overall self-imposed expectations are often times beyond reasonable and are downright absurd.
When I give myself a break every now and then and see myself through the eyes of someone who wants me to succeed, I often find myself taking a deep breath and then doing my best work ever. The pressure and stress that we put on ourselves at times (maybe even most of the time) don't always produce the best results. In the words of the famous song, I've learned "to try a little tenderness." Progress, not perfection, is the key for me on this particular journey since I am my own worst critic.
That's SO Immature
So I bet you think you know what I'm going to say on this topic. Well guess again! When Lindsay was sitting with A.J. Johnson, a professional life coach and trainer, and they were doing the lightning round of words to help reveal her true self, I was giggling right along with them! Black or white? Top or bottom? Long or short? So what's wrong with a little immaturity every now and then? I say nothing.
Keeping that unrestrained child within us alive and well (when appropriate!) can truly help keep us on the right track. For me, learning not to take myself too seriously is one of the biggest challenges of my recovery—and I'll take it one further, one of the biggest challenges of my life. But Lindsay was right when she said it: "It really is one step, one day at a time," she tells the cameras. "It sounds so cliche, but until you're really living it you don't realize how actually true it is."
Read more: "Lindsay," Episode 1 review
Brooke Lyn Harper has been a senior leader in the healthcare industry for more than 15 years, specializing in healthcare compliance and privacy. Having overcome the life challenges of addiction and mental illness, her desire is to "pay it forward" by sharing her own experiences and expertise in hopes of touching others in an informative and engaging way. Brooke Lyn Harper is a pseudonym.